Friday, January 16, 2015
What the Hydra got (and gave) for Christmas
What I ended up getting for Christmas
Flameproofer for my heads. That way nobody will be able to try that idea again.
Container of breath mints. Sure, my breath is poisonous, but at least it won't smell poisonous anymore.
Ugly Christmas sweater with nine head holes. Mom, I love you, but did you really have to knit me this?
New pet crab. It was nice of Hera to send that, can you believe that Hercules killed the first one?
"How to Keep From Eating Your Pet for Dummies" book. Very important considering I'm a giant water serpent with a pet crab.
More multiplayer video games. It's a fun way to spend time, but the head on the far left always cheats.
A baby brother? I don't care what you say, that little two-headed viper you sent me is NOT my brother.
Nine hand-knitted hats. Mom, why can't you find some other hobby?
What I gave to people for Christmas
To heroes:Slow and painful death. I put their things in my treasure cave.
To the community:Got banned from the blood drive. How was I supposed to know that they didn't want poisonous blood?
To farmers:Got rid of the burden of taking care of all those livestock. Got chased out of yet another village by guys with spears just because I had a little midnight snack!
To the river:Killed all that life that was going around in the river. Ate the fish, had poisonous breath make all the scum and algae die.
To the baby snakes in my swamp:Gave education on how to be a big, strong monster and not get killed.
To frogs:Quick and painless death. They're just so chewy, like gummy bears!
To the city:Nothing brightens up a fountain like a giant nine-headed water serpent.
To children:Sent another group of children (I think it's called a school) into ophidiophobia.
To anybody who passed by:Slow and painful death. Lightened their load of all their stuff.
To fish:An amazing tour of my digestive system.
To algae:Quick and painful death.
To scum:Quick and painful death.
To the local pet store:Got rid of the expense of buying so many fish and frozen rodents.
To the local zoo:Was the best exhibit at both the Aquarium and Herpetarium sections. Ate all the former residents.
To Mom:My undying affection.
To Dad:I can't really give him anything because he's trapped under a mountain.
To myself:Anything I wanted to claim and a good Christmas dinner.